offically insane.

i used the sauna.

it was the first thing my mom wanted me to do when we got home, go into the computer room and look at the brand new sauna. "you haveee to try it out later, you just have to."

so after dinner i tired it. i put on a tank and come sweat shorts, stepped into this wooden box and turned on the button. a little beep sounded, on came yoga music and instantly it was 91 degrees.

i laid down, i mean it was a little cramped, but i closed my eyes none the less. for a second i thought, well i guess this is kinda cool. then i hear guns shooting and cars being stolen, pj and his friend are playing video games in the next room over. then my mom turns on the light and starts vaccuming! my dad is in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher and any relaxing moment i thought i might have was gone forever.

i opened the door, a cool gust of wind almost blew me over. "mom?! what are you doing?"

"oh, im sorry, i didnt know you were in there. il vaccum later." she shuts the light off and leaves.

i go back in, resume my position and look to see how many minutes i have left. 19.

i try again to meditate, i try to think of things, i try to think of nothing, i try to remember a mantra. it feels like an eternity has gone by. i look to see how many minutes i have left. 18.

i have to stay in for at least 5 minutes, i tell myself. i give the meditation another shot. then i hear a tapping noise, i dont know if its coming from the heater thing or not. i open my eyes, its my mom. she is holding a flash light up under her chin, smiling and waving.

god, this is annoying. 16.

its now 119 degrees. im not sweating, im not relaxed.

finally, im down.

i turn off the button and step out of this weird wooden heat box and just at the moment when i think i couldnt hate this damn thing more, i remember my mom telling me that my dad goes in naked when no one is home. i forgot to put down a towel.

i hate the sauna.