summer class.

this summer i feel like every day i learn a new lesson.

for example:

• patience is a virture
• old friends aren't always the best of friends
• riding your bike is awesome
• family is a bond that can't be broken
• remaining calm is always better then flipping out
• some things NEVER change
• some things will NEVER be the same
• hypocrites are the worst people in the world
• having a backbone is more important than having legs
• being friends with your coworkers makes life 10 times more enjoyable
• please and thank you will get you very far in life
• a positive attitude is better for your immune system
• forgive but don't forget
• if you cant change something, try your best to accept it
• awkward situations allow for a great story to be told
  
• laughter is priceless
• imaginations never get old
• actually listen to the things children have to say
• dont be shy
• weekend trips to nh and cc are so worth the price of gas it takes to get there
• its just gas, dont let it ruin your summer
• you cant please everyone
• working at a summer camp teaches you how to and how not to raise your kids
• you are who you are, and people who know you love you for it
  
• reading books is better then watching tv (but i already knew that)
  
• mom and dad do miss you when you arent around
• watermelon is the new viagra
• watching people do something they enjoy is enjoyable
  
• cell phones dont like hot tubs
• coffee is necessary to life
  
• boyfriends are not
• sitting around a campfire with people you love makes you feel whole
• there is no excuse for being bored
• boston friends are hard to stop missing
• rolling down hills is still fun
• parents and their friends can be really fun to hang out with
  
• memories last a lifetime &
  
• good oldies make your heart bound fast

i could go on.....

sad smile.

he is always smiling. not because he's happy, but because he just doesn't know what else to do, he just doesn't know how else to hide the pain.

white wedding.

the wedding was fun. i can't wait for more friends to get married. for once, i actually liked being at the age of floating between adulthood and teen years. its nice to be young and energetic and do grown-up things (like go to a wedding because its your friend, not your aunt, not your cousin, not your mom's friend, your's!). anyway, one more week until camp starts and i am constantly reminded of how important it is to not forget whats its like to be a kid. updates: still crushing on jacoby even after all these months and bfc earned some major points in categories he was lacking in. but right now boys seem to be on my back burner... friends are on the front - right where they should be.

alex & alyssa, i wish a happy, healthy life for you and your adorable family! <3

i forgot how much of a roller coaster living at home is. i forgot that everyone can be completely happy on sunday and then by monday no one is speaking. i forgot that my dad is impossible, my mom is insincere and my brother is disrespectful. i was hoping when i got home that would have all changed but i was wrong. im ready for boston. im ready for friends who take the place of family. im ready for no one constantly looking over my shoulder. im ready for the noise of the city.

cousins.

spent the afternoon with myles & anna. they are cute. myles has a journal and he let me read it. anna has a ton of new toys and she let me play with them.... with out screaming. side walk chalk never fails to be a good time. i havent played in my grandparents yard in such a long time. i always forget how many weird things they have. 1970s boom boxes and a real tin man just to name a few. i didnt even get pictures of the fountain in the front yard. or the face carved into the tree. or the chicken coop in the back yard. summers always a nice break from winter. home is good. family is happy. friends are fun.

changes on a railroad track.

providence train. wireless internet, what? motion sickness caused from sitting backwards. bumpy, choo choo, lurching, locomotive feeling. briefly stopping here, folks. the train is speckled with people - one person in every 4 or 5 seats. the train is littered with yellow punch outs. tickets are yellow? why do they change color? emergency exit, pull handle to remove rubber. please, dont let there be an emergency. black trees damp with rain that have yet to be blooming in glory. leaving suburbia to return to a cold, rainy, wet, sad, gray boston. metal and foggy glass obstructs my view for 2 to 3 seconds. miles and miles of telephone lines, empty fields and forests, neighborhoods and businesses. this route is too familiar. same train, same stops, but so many different me's.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like if there was a machine that could measure the change in me. from this time two years ago to now. i know the change would be large. a skinny white paper would travel out of the mouth of this machine like the coupons and coupons you get attached to your receipt after not shopping at cvs for a while. what would the paper say? have i changed for the better? have i become stronger, older, wiser, more mature?

i hope so.

rachel, stop.

i need to stop falling in love with my friends' old brothers.

i started thinking about how i fall in love so easily, again. i need to stop doing that, too. i need to stop taking love so lightly. i have all these people who i have fallen in love with lately, but i have to one to really love. maybe im doing this all wrong. maybe i dont know what love is. maybe i dont know how to love.

just as that thought was going through my head i decided to pick up this book i started reading about two years ago. and right where i left off there was this:

good god. child. what do you mean you dont know how to love? do you think any of us know how to love? do you think anybody would ever do anything if they waited until they knew how to love? do you think that babies would ever get made or meals cooked or crops planted or books written or what god-damn have you? do you think people would even get out of bed in the morning if they waited until they knew how to love?

anyway, i am listening to all on my itune songs on shuffle. im sick of playlists.

gawd.

i spelled performances wrong. somebody sue me.

offically insane.

i used the sauna.

it was the first thing my mom wanted me to do when we got home, go into the computer room and look at the brand new sauna. "you haveee to try it out later, you just have to."

so after dinner i tired it. i put on a tank and come sweat shorts, stepped into this wooden box and turned on the button. a little beep sounded, on came yoga music and instantly it was 91 degrees.

i laid down, i mean it was a little cramped, but i closed my eyes none the less. for a second i thought, well i guess this is kinda cool. then i hear guns shooting and cars being stolen, pj and his friend are playing video games in the next room over. then my mom turns on the light and starts vaccuming! my dad is in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher and any relaxing moment i thought i might have was gone forever.

i opened the door, a cool gust of wind almost blew me over. "mom?! what are you doing?"

"oh, im sorry, i didnt know you were in there. il vaccum later." she shuts the light off and leaves.

i go back in, resume my position and look to see how many minutes i have left. 19.

i try again to meditate, i try to think of things, i try to think of nothing, i try to remember a mantra. it feels like an eternity has gone by. i look to see how many minutes i have left. 18.

i have to stay in for at least 5 minutes, i tell myself. i give the meditation another shot. then i hear a tapping noise, i dont know if its coming from the heater thing or not. i open my eyes, its my mom. she is holding a flash light up under her chin, smiling and waving.

god, this is annoying. 16.

its now 119 degrees. im not sweating, im not relaxed.

finally, im down.

i turn off the button and step out of this weird wooden heat box and just at the moment when i think i couldnt hate this damn thing more, i remember my mom telling me that my dad goes in naked when no one is home. i forgot to put down a towel.

i hate the sauna.

a sore stomach.

why do we close our eyes when we laugh hard?

i think its like closing your eyes when you are kissing someone you love. or smelling an amazing smell. or making a really meaningful wish. i think laughing really hard is one of those few things in life that you just really need to close you eyes to truly appreciate.

there's nothing like
the deep breaths after
laughing that h a r d.
nothing in the world
like a sore stomach
for the right reasons.
- charlie

gorgeous.

the weather is beautiful.
spring is officially here.
i have no more tests to study for until finals.
the bang! fliers came out awesome.
i'm going home for the weekend, which i am actually looking forward to.
people are happy here.
the boys are back in town.
my paper is almost done.
dinner at bon appetite was actually really delicious.
im glad nick landry won mr. emmanuel.
i am getting a ginormous pay check tomorrow (ginormous = $250)
birds are chirping.
i am spending the night drinking wine and watching the baseball game with my friends.
i already exercised this morning.
i got a smoothie this afternoon.
boston smells better than it usually does.
i have a lot of exciting things to do for the last few weekends of school.
the grass seems greener on my side.

unsubscribing.

dear itunes, victoria's secret, netflix, amazon, gap, borders, allposters, bath and body works and wall street journal,

i am seriously thinking of unsubscribing myself. you do sometimes send me great discounts and, i mean, it would be one thing it i received an email from you every other week, or even once a week, but almost every day? come on! not only do i not need to buy the new tuesday music, or the favorite books of the year or the sexiest swim suits of the season, but i do not have the money. when i sign on to my email account and see that i have 8 new emails and its not even 9 in the morning, i think, emails from my family?, emails from my friends?, the position i applied to is letting me know i got the job?, or maybe i even have a new friend request. but no, they are glorified flyers, reminding me of how much clutter there is in the world and how hard it is to get through the morning with out an advertising scheme starring you in the eye. either slow down on the permission marketing or i am going to remove myself from the mailing list.

sincerely,
rcd826

sunflowers.

i need red sox games, summer camp, ice coffee & picnics at ponds. i need the beach & i need newport. i need to fly kites, watch movies on my porch at night, lay on a blanket and look at the stars, go night swimming & camp out in the back yard. i need smores, cookouts & corn on the cob, sun dresses & flip flops. i need bike rides, watermelons, trips to cape cod & trips to new hampshire. i need visits from friends, i need freshly mowed lawns, i need sunflowers i need to people watch, i need ice cream, i need summer.

a short list of loves. spring break issue.

things I feel in love with over the last few days: teal ocean water, white sand, big blow up water slides, palm trees, mexican food, margaritas, bartering, sun tans, bubba kegs, speaking spanish, spider monkeys, katie’s head band, parasailing and a southern boy from ole miss.

ahhhhh, tropical islands.

pictures.

what would we do without pictures. how would we validate the stories we read in the news. how would we remember our memories. how would we decorate our living space? its amazing that there are classes, majors and schools dedicated to teaching people how to take photos. after these first 6 weeks of photography class i was finally able to see some results. i have never appreciated the art of photo taking more than i do now. hours upon hours can be spent shooting and developing a good photo, or a bad one at that. i hope that i enjoy taking photos for the rest of my life. i am looking forward to the subjects of my photos being the same people- the same faces, just getting older and older looking.

denise korn.

this morning, at starbucks, i sat at a table with denise korn. well, her face was on the cover of the Style & Arts section of the Globe but i felt like she was sitting at the table with me. i am taking this as a sign from a greater being. i am destined to meet her, work for her, be her. she does exactly what i want to do. she has the exact life that i want.

this morning, at starbucks, my future goals were validated. i feel this weird energy pumping through my heart. an energy of hopeful ambition.

thank you to who ever accidentally left yesterdays globe at the little table in the corner of the starbucks on brookline ave under the trilogy. you rock!

sun blankets.

in 11 days. sunsets & sunrises. a tropical island. good friends & good times. i will miss boston, but i will love the dominican. this freezing rain will be easy to leave though. i cant wait to lay on the beach and have a blanket of sun cover me, i will lay under that blanket for hours. we will come back to longer days, shorter nights and only a few weeks left of our second year of college. we will be half way to the real world. everyone told me college would go by quickly, and even with the full awareness there seems to be nothing i can do to slow the speed. it seems someone has pushed the fast forward button, and then the button got stuck and no matter how much we all try to unstick that button it is stuck for good.

empty picture frames.

the picture frames are all empty. in fact, the last picture was very recently taken out of its frame. i am not sure if i want to - or am ready to- put these pictures back in, i dont even know if i want to save them. im not sure if i want to take new pictures and totally forget about the old ones. im not sure if i just want to take pictures with someone else.

maybe i should take pictures by myself for a while.

the problem with taking pictures by myself is that i always feel funny smiling in a picture alone. what do i have to be smiling about? isnt a forced smile just a lie? can other people tell when im forcing a smile? do i force a smile so much that even i cant tell when its forced?

regardless, these empty picture frames are breaking my heart. they need to be filled with something.